All my life it was never my greater purpose to be understood by every person I know. I have accepted the fact that there will be people questioning you for being who you are and for the choices you make. I am totally cool with that. I live my life the way I want to and I think I don't owe anyone an explanation on how I chose to do it.
As for the matter of my relationship status, I am proud to say that I am still single and never been romantically involved with anyone. Yup, NBSB as it is called. There are people who find it hard to believe and seem to be having difficulty in understanding that. They react as if it is such a big deal, when to me it's just one of those little facts about myself (like why I don't like a certain food: green peas or raisins for example). So I always feel like it's not much of an impact in my life, honestly.
But apparently, not all people is on my side for that matter.
They are so curious as to why I remained Single up to this day and age.
Just when I thought it's okay to consider it as one of those unexplainable facts on this planet, it turns out, it isn't.
I thought I'd better write something with some points on this fact.
Living in a world of fiction
It would be a misconception if people would think that those who have been single forever has grown out of romance and so sick of love stories.
Well, I'm not. I like stories about romance. I've seen too many chick flicks and read a lot of novels and I still love them til now. But because of this, somewhat I had these imaginings about what a perfect love story should be like, had ideal boyfriends based on fictional characters and created scenes in my head that is way too good to be real.
I once stumble upon an article on ThoughtCatalog about why you're still single based on your personality type. And what it says for fellow INFPs is that : we will only get into a relationship when we meet someone who also wants the rest of his or her life to resemble a Nicholas Sparks novel.
Yes, pretty much true. And so for now, I'd rather stick with my books and swoon on all those rom-coms. Haha. I am so fine, thank you.
By choice. By fate.
As I recall during my younger years, when all I care about in my life is studying hard and making my parents proud, my classmates are already starting to get giddy about admirers and boyfriends stuff. I was never one of them. I thought maybe I am just a late bloomer. But considering I still feel the same way now, I guess I'm way too late :P
Of course, I do have crushes just like everybody else , but that's it. It's just that for most of the time I cannot imagine myself being in a relationship. There might be guys who showed interest but never did I felt the same way towards them. I was so comfortable and contented with how I live my life and never did I had the urge to change it. So I guess, it boils down to being my choice after all.
But then it could be a matter of fate. I am such a strong believer of destiny. I believe that what's meant to be will always find it's way. A lot of things happened in the past and each of those had their fair share of reason why I'd better be single. Again, if it is bound to happen, it will happen no matter how complicated the situations are. So I'd rather hold on to the belief that now is not the right time for romance, for love. Maybe I am yet to meet the one destined for me. Cheesy, right?
Or.... maybe it is something that's really not meant for me in the first place. Harsh as it may seem, but I did consider that idea as well. I'd rather be open for that possibility and rather focus on loving myself than waiting to be loved by somebody else. It's not that bad at all.
Trivia: Jane Austen was never married and died single. She devoted her time to something she is very passionate about - writing. She may not have that perfect love story of her own, but she managed to create novels, that decades after decades will be considered as one of those greatest love stories ever written.
I know I'm being kinda weird here in every sense. I'm not saying that I'd rather be like her (but of course that would be something!) what I am just trying to imply is that... life doesn't have to be all about you falling in love and being loved in return. Happiness and fulfillment doesn't come from romance alone, because love comes in many forms. It can be love for self, for family, for your friends, love for great adventure, for the arts, for pets, for nature and the list just goes on and on. It can also be as simple as love for life itself.
So if I am fated to live my life as a single, happy and independent woman... so be it. I respect and accept it wholeheartedly. If that is what God has planned for me then who am I to go against His will?
A masterpiece in the making. A work in progress.
Yes I am. I was born a dreamer, I guess. I have so much hopes for myself and ever since I was a kid I had these visions of how I want my life to be in the future. I daydream a lot, turning things into something so much brighter and grander. I escaped into reality by stepping into a world where I am the person I want to be, in places that I've been dreading to be at.
But it will not stop there. My dreams will not be just dreams.
I always believe that for you to achieve your goals, you must at least have pictures of it created in your mind. It will be like the screenplay behind a box office hit.
I am a person full of goals for my family and for myself and it will be a step by step process. As of the moment, I am so focused with my goals for my family.
There was a point in my life that I am asking myself why am I still not the person I imagined myself to be. Why am I living a life that is far different from those people same age as mine. But then, God's plan is something that we cannot determine. He blessed me with a responsibility to care for my mother and brothers first. Yes, it is a blessing and I am grateful for that. Little by little I see reasons and lessons for everything that happened in the past. I see purpose and greater meaning for the life that I have right now.
Of course my goals for myself are something that needs patience and more perseverance.
I feel like after all those years, I am still that woman trying to find her true self.
There are times that I feel lost and stuck from this giant maze we live in. Going on circles, followed wrong paths, trapped and can't seem to find the way out. What's worse is that sometimes I am drowned with thoughts that I will never ever be able to get out.
Maybe I am a puzzle to be solved. A blurry picture to be figured out. Or a magnum opus that's about to unfold.
If there are pieces missing in my life, then I want to be the one to complete my fragmented self.
I will never let other people define my wholeness more so my happiness.
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Dear people,
First of all, let me just say that I do appreciate your concern to me.
You keep saying that you want me to be happy so that's why you want me to find a guy who will love me.
Thank you for that, but please know that if there is someone who knows what could truly make me happy.. that is ME!
I know I'm not good at expressing myself but I hope this would say everything that I'm tryna say to you people.
You might be very happy being in a relationship but that doesn't mean that I am miserable being single. I don't think it's nice to assume that other people are not happy just because they don't have this 'special someone' to share intimacy with.
Some people are just extremely satisfied and happy with the solitude and freedom they get out of life. And yes, I practically belong to that group. Those who have always been in a relationship since they were young may not totally get it. But hey, we do exist. Deal with that.
I am not closing any doors here. But please, do not force me to meet someone and go on dates. I am telling you, it won't work. I know myself waaay better than you all do.
I know I am not an expert when it comes to dating and relationship but please do not think that my lack of experience is what's making me refuse your gestures.
I have always been patient to those people telling me that I should be in a relationship by now.I still try to, but sometimes it get's tiring already. If you genuinely want me to be happy, then you will realize that you are actually wishing on the wrong star.
I prayed for a lot of things but never did I prayed for lovelife. Why? I simply don't have that eagerness to have that in my life as of the moment. And I think that is the very reason why I am enjoying this singlehood. Because only God knows what my heart truly desire. He understands what I want, what I need and I know He will give it to me right in His perfect time.
So please, do not dwell on this one single fact about my life when there's more to it than my relationship status. I am not sad nor bitter, never.
I have nothing but gratitude for what I have and what I am right now.
So again people...
I AM FINE, THANK YOU!
xoxo,
Jess
