Keep Smiling :)

“You’ll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have. “

It’s not usual for me to receive compliments on how strong I am. In fact, as far as I can remember I never had.

Or maybe it was only recently when I went through such a hard time that really requires me to be strong.

Losing someone you love is one of the most devastating experience ever.

We all know that nothing is permanent in the world, people come and go, they will leave us any time whether we expect it or not, it will happen and we won't have any choice.

That’s part of life - beginnings and endings.

Despite that fact, you will never be prepared enough, NEVER. The pain will always be a part of it.

The moment I lost my father, there aren't enough words to express how in despair I was.

I felt like I cannot bear to smile anymore, thinking that I already lost the best man in my life.

I’ve been crying for hours. I’ll force myself to sleep, thinking everything is just a dream that it isn’t really happening.

That when I wake up, I’m back in my usual life, but when I open my eyes.. I am slapped by the reality that he.. really is gone :(

During those times I thought I’d forget how to smile. I thought the word ‘happiness’ is totally out of my system.

But then to my surprise, I was wrong. At Papa’s wake, I’ve seen how affected the people were.

I always knew that my father was a good man. But I never realized how he touched a lot of people’s lives.

And right then, I've seen enough reasons worthy of smile..

Those people whom lives he have touched, the people who were there to comfort us, who never left us, people who share the same emotion as we have.

I was also overwhelmed by my friends who were the best reason that I manage to smile. They came to me, share hugs and words of comfort but instead of focusing on how dreadful the situation was, they’ll do things they normally do, be playful and jolly, and that helped a lot. It was a relief to know that, yeah, I can still smile and laugh.

When I thought I forgot how to be happy, my optimism hits me.

Losing him is the hardest ever, but I know it wouldn't happen if God thought I couldn't bear it.

It was His will and I can never question him.

Honestly, I was also surprised by how I was coping up with the situation.

I never thought that there’s a brave fighter in me.

Or maybe, I’d be totally selfish and unfair if I would just sob all day, when everyone else around me are making efforts just to see me smile.

And just recently I had a friend, who lost his father too :(

I felt really bad because I know how it feels; I've been there, and in fact still going through it.

But her words just touched me.

She told me that I was her inspiration. She was thinking of me, at times when she felt that things wouldn't turn okay.

She thought I was strong enough because I can smile, and if I managed to do it, then why can’t she?

And when I was talking to her, I can feel that she really is doing her best to be as strong as she can be.

I swear it was the best compliment ever. For you to be an inspiration to someone, is so touching and over whelming.

I could not even think of a perfect adjective to describe how I feel.

I was in tears with her words. And really, I am thankful that at times when I feel so down, I was able to inspire others.

I never thought my smile would mean a lot. 

And this is something that I owe to my Father.

My always happy and smiling Papa :)

He passed on his positive vibes to me :)

After all, he still gives me a lot of reason to be thankful for,  reasons to smile. I know he will always be with us, forever...


Keep Smiling :)

much love,

Jess