Reflection

They say you are facing a crisis in your life when you tend to have more questions than answers.
But what if there are so many things going on in your mind that you cannot even identify which is which? You interpret questions as if their answers while on the contrary answers still seem rather questionable.

The past few weeks, I've been caught up in a situation that I was already unfamiliar with.

Before I decided to quit my job, I've been working for more than 2 years, and right before that I was a student. And during those times, it's like I am very definite of what's going on with my life.

When I was an employee, I knew I had to go to the office, sit in front of my computer and face all those paper works. That's my life six days a week. Wake up early, get home and then sleep late. I was like a hamster in its running wheels that goes round and fast with as if no end in sight, and it worries me a lot.

And when I was a student, of course life was way more fun. You get up all excited and prep up for school. And in the university you attend classes, some worth listening while others are just too boring that you won't bother paying attention to. At break time you chat with your classmates and then go somewhere after class. It's much filled with spontaneity and life is less serious.

So during those times, I knew what I was doing, it was all very clear to me. As a student, I have to study hard, pass all my subjects until I graduate and earn a diploma. And when I entered the corporate world, I have to focus on my work until the clock hits six and after two weeks.. tadaa! payday! 

But right now, neither of those suited me.

I don't need to wake up early.
I don't need a daily to do list.
I have a lot of time.
I read a lot, watch movies, eat as much as I want. Just what bums do. Was I proud of it? well not really, I'm a 20 something and we all know that I should be earning by now. So I still need a job.

But what having a lot of time helped me is that I got to reflect on what's going on right now with my life and what I wanted to do as I move forward. That's when I sit alone in a tea shop with soothing music playing on the background or when I am in a long bus ride with ear phones plugged listening to my favorite tracks. (Well, that's my form of meditation! But you know, if I had more money I would have gone to somewhere remote or where everything is so serene and peaceful, say Bali for example! haha!)

I remember Steve Jobs said that you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. As I reckon everything in the past and all the decisions I made, I get to see which actions turned out to be just right, and others where I did wrong and if ever I turn back time I might have done better.
But all of it, made perfect sense now as I get to reflect on them. Every decision had their own impact on my life same goes with every action that result to their own consequences that I have to face. And I know that moving on, there will be even more dots to connect. It just goes on and on. Bear in mind that everything we do, even the tiniest things, will make sense to our story.

 Life is full of turning points. It is a one big labyrinth filled with passages and you have to find your way out. Each pathway may lead  to another, some might seem to be the way out, but then you will find yourself facing a dead end so you have to go back again and find another path hoping that eventually you might end up on the right route. 

So, I'd like to think that even those we considered as wrongful decisions will mean something significant in our life. Of course while you're at it, you cannot realize it right away. It takes time. Once you moved on already and then you'll look back, that's when you will figure it all out. That's why there shouldn't be any room for regrets, because every choice you make will surely get you somewhere. 

That is why I am grateful for the time that I was able to contemplate about all these things. I was given enough time to raise all the questions to myself.


Who am I, really?
What do I really want?
What am I doing now?
What have I already done and how do I feel about it?
What am I planning to do to get what I want?
and so on...

And then I figure out the answers. Well, maybe not all of them had very clear answers right now but I know God will lead me to it eventually. I just have to remain optimistic for there is always a silver lining. 
It's all about faith. Faith that everything will work out for the best. 

I think that is the best solution if you are in some sort of quarter life crisis. It's all about mind set. Never be afraid of risking and then starting over again. Think of all the possibilities out there. Decide what is worth giving up. Take away all the pressures and always remember that there's no need to rush things in life. If it's bound to happen, it will happen. You just gotta be patient and enjoy the ride. Just give your best shot and never ever stop persevering.  Hold on to those big dreams but also remember to work really hard! 


 xxx,
Jess