Topsy Turvy

adv.
1. With the top downward and the bottom up; upside-down.
2. In or into a state of utter disorder or confusion: "turning our ordered life topsy-turvy" (Anne Tyler).

adj. top·sy-tur·vi·er, top·sy-tur·vi·est
1. Turned or positioned upside down; inverted.
2. Confused or disordered.

Well, the definitions say it all. I am totally in a state of disorder and confusion. 
Move forward or stagnate? Do what I want or do what is right? A lot of questions bugging my mind, and right now I'm having tough time deciding.

I've been into a lot of thinking lately and I've been talking to people who can relate to what I feel. It helps in a way, but in the end it boils down to what is on my mind. 

I always believed that my optimism will take me far. Not giving up easily and seeing the bright side of things. But,reality bites. I just had my wake up call. It will lead me nowhere, or maybe somewhere but not where I wanted and dreamed of. 

Decisions like this makes me sick. 
But then, I have to be brave.
I'm a big girl now.

I'll go for what I want. And I'll chase for it.
I am not afraid. (or maybe a little.. haha)
But hey, God is with me. He will Guide me. 

I can do this.
AJA!


with much love,

Jess